You’re So Edgy, Non-Voter.

Voting is so 2008.

Oh, sure, those posers think they’re making a difference, but you know better, Edgy Non-Voter. I Voted stickers? Psht. Bragging about it on Facebook? Come on.

The cool kids all know it doesn’t matter. I mean, if voting changed anything, they’d make it illegal, right? It’s just a bunch of rich white dudes pulling the strings.

And don’t worry, you’re going to let everyone on Facebook know all about it.

All Politicians are the Same.

It doesn’t matter who you vote for, obviously. They all believe the same things.

So edgy!

So edgy!

Except about gun control, progressive tax systems, health care, end-of-life decisions, minimum wage, energy policy, birth control, abortion, religion, gay marriage, foreign policy, military spending and presence, drug laws, voter ID laws, and the death penalty, they’re totally, exactly the same.

Of course, only morons care about that stuff. The lobbyists control everything, right, Edgy Non-Voter? You know that. Because you totally called your local Congressional Representative to make your opinion known about some issue you really care about. And they were like, “Fuck you, man, I don’t care about you; just give me more money.”

That totally happened.

My Votes Don’t Count in a Two-Party System

Good call, Edgy Non-Voter. Your vote doesn’t count at all. Especially in local elections, where differences can easily be under 1,000 votes.

Sure, you could send a message to politicians by writing in a vote or voting 3rd party that your needs aren’t being met or, more insanely, actually volunteer for a third party campaign, but that’s bullshit. The Man won’t let you.

Vote Third Party

Psht, then you’d have to leave the couch.

No, obviously the only way to change the system is to just sit back and do nothing. I’m sure the people in charge won’t take it as a green light to not give a fuck about whatever you care about and let the few people who do participate in elections decide who should write laws for you.

Why Are you Sharing on Facebook, Anyway, Lame-O?

I don’t understand what people’s problem is, anyway. So you voted. Big deal.

And now you want to share it on Facebook? What, like, you’re just gonna talk about the things you do in your life that matter to you now on a social media platform? Gross.

Nobody cares, bro. You and I know the truth: we are entirely too cool to care if people know we voted or not. Which obviously we didn’t.

Now let’s post it on Facebook so everyone knows how cool we are.

Hipster Cat

Hipster Cat knows all about you.